Why Dismissive Avoidants Can Have Sex but Avoid Intimacy

Anyone can have sex.

Not everyone can handle intimacy.

A dismissive avoidant can take you home.

They can sleep with you, laugh with you, even make it look like connection.

But the second it starts to feel close?

They shut down.

And you’re left confused, wondering how someone can share a bed with you on Friday and act like a stranger by Monday.

Here’s the truth:

For a dismissive avoidant, sex is physical.

It’s release. It’s safe because it doesn’t ask for who they are, only what they can perform.

Intimacy is something else entirely.

Intimacy means being seen.

Letting someone matter.

Letting yourself depend.

And that terrifies them. Because deep down, their system equates closeness with danger.

To them, vulnerability equals loss of control.

Love equals abandonment waiting to happen.

I’ve seen clients handle months of casual sex, no issue.

But the moment they asked, “Can I leave a few things here?”

They disappeared.

Not because a line was crossed.

Because permanence is the trap.

Here’s where people get it twisted:

They assume that because someone is physically present, they’re emotionally available.

Wrong.

You can have someone’s body without ever touching their heart.

And if you’re on the other side of it? It’s maddening.

You start blaming yourself. Wondering if you did something wrong.

But this isn’t about your worth. It’s about their wiring.

The thing is dismissive avoidants aren’t broken. They’ve just been taught that distance feels safer than love. And until that rewiring happens, intimacy will always feel like the threat, not the goal.

So here’s the reminder:

Don’t confuse sex with connection.

Don’t mistake proximity for partnership.

Because you deserve more than a body in your bed.

You deserve a partner by your side.

Sex isn’t the problem. Your patterns are. Let’s fix that.