Inconsistency in Dating? Be Unavailable.

You ever find yourself obsessing over the one who’s inconsistent? The person who texts like they’re all in—“I’ve never felt this way before,” “you’re different”—then disappears for days like you imagined the whole thing?

You start second-guessing everything: Did I say too much? Was I too needy? Did I misread their vibe?

That’s not chemistry. That’s a triggered nervous system.

Because here’s the truth most people don’t talk about: When someone is hot-and-cold, unpredictable, or inconsistent, your brain registers it as a threat to connection. And your nervous system kicks into high alert. Your body starts pinging between hope and anxiety, craving resolution.

• You’re not just missing them—you’re trying to feel safe again.

• You’re not just overthinking—you’re trying to regulate your system.

And if you’ve got an anxious attachment style? You’re even more wired to chase potential over consistency. You cling to the spark, the fantasy, the version of them you saw that one magical night. Because somewhere along the line, you learned love is something you earn—not something you simply receive.

That cycle becomes a loop:

• They pull away → Cortisol spikes. Panic. Obsession.

• They pop back in with a flirty “hey you” → Dopamine hit. Instant relief.

• They drift again → Crash. Overanalyze. Repeat.

You feel bonded to them—but it’s not love. It’s intermittent reinforcement. The same psychological pattern that makes slot machines so addictive.

And it shows up everywhere:

• You feel more drawn to someone the less available they are.

• You chase closure from people who never gave you clarity.

• You try to prove your worth to someone who can’t meet you emotionally—because the inconsistency feels like home.

  
  

But love doesn’t have to feel like chaos. Real love won’t spike your nervous system. It won’t make you question your worth or beg for breadcrumbs. And the second you stop rewarding inconsistency with your availability? That’s when the healing begins...